I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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