im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
