You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
