How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
