please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
