We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
