I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize
