His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You ruined the universe
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
