So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
