She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
This gyro tastes like lonliness
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
