You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
