saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
