she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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