Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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