Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
