I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
