Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
