I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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