I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
