we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
