that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
