Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
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