what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
