is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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