I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
