Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
