jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
