At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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