I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
