Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
