she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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