i may or may not be watching the land before time
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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