do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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