I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
