This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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