and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
