please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
