I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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