if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
