Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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