I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
