everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
