just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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