Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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