dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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