i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
