So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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