Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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