I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
