She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
