Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
